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"I'm sick of people telling me to relax, they can stick my heart up their arses." - Atletico Madrid owner Jesus Gil, who had just had a pacemaker installed.FEBRUARY "I hear 'gypo' a lot because, I guess, I look like a tramp.But the worst thing that's ever been said was someone comparing me to an Afghan hound. And someone used the word 'inbred', which was a bit strong." - Birmingham's Robbie "Goldilocks" Savage."I don't want to be institutionalised in a hotel, singing stupid songs and showing my arse to all and sundry." - Welsh rugby international Scott Gibbs on why he gave up touring. My players will be called up to the army in the next few days.I am bitterly disappointed that politics can find no other way than lobbing bombs on my footballers." - Iraq football manager, German Bernd Stange."I despise them as much as they despise everybody else."If you look at the table then we have been whitewashed, but if you study the games then you'll see that we have made progress." - Wales coach Steve Hansen, insisting Welsh rugby's glass was half full, despite looking positively empty after a grim Six Nations campaign.

"It's like watching God." - Alan Mc Manus after seeing Ronnie O'Sullivan score a 147 in six minutes and 30 seconds at the World Championships."French whine - bottle not included." - A Manchester United banner after United won/Arsenal threw away the Premiership title."We've made an improvement, and I think from fourth to third at the top of the Premiership is a massive step.Reporter: "It's been said that your weakness is that you have never played at the highest level." Brian Kerr: "Well, I don't think the FAI has hired me as a player - they've hired me as a manager." "Arsenal are streets ahead of everyone in this league, and Manchester United are up there with them, obviously." - Newcastle's Craig Bellamy, obviously."Being a Kerry manager is probably the hardest job in the world because Kerry people, I'd say, are the roughest type of fucking animals you could ever deal with.

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