Real life dating basics
I spend most of my time working with undergraduate students, directing them academically through the Torrey Honors Institute or offering life and/or pastoral advice as they learn to navigate the oftentimes difficult and uncertain terrain of adulthood.
I love what I do and I would not trade it for any other job.
As you focus on all that your partner is doing wrong, your own behavior also deteriorates. There is a respectful way to say everything, as well as a respectful time to say it. Actively seek ways to repair hurts with your partner, such as aplogizing, or listening to your parnter's concerns.
If you are angry at your partner, for example, you might “excuse” your own rude behavior or even verbal or physical abuse (“She just made me so mad! Always be willing to accept repair behaviors from your partner. Find respectful ways to air all of this (I am not an advocate of “honesty at all costs”!
Whatever happened to the days when a young man and a young woman met one another, fell in like, fell in love and then got married? ” We knew that we loved one another and we knew that the next step after dating is engagement. There was no need to discuss if we should get married since that is the point of engagement. We did not find a bench in the park and talk ourselves blue in the face, we let our relationship develop naturally and as it progressed we adapted ourselves to the new stages, expressing our like and love in words and actions. When I wanted to show her that I loved her, we went somewhere nice or I gave her a gift.
Whatever happened to “attraction” and why is everything reduced to a thought project? We knew that the main purpose of our dating was to determine if we wanted to marry one another. When I wanted the campus to know that I was in love with her, I wrote it in large letters and put it in my dorm window (true story). My advice to college students today (or at least the ones that I work with) is to quit thinking so much. Thus, to all of my students, let’s put an end to DTRs and get back to the basics!
Occasionally I would hear a student say something like, “Oh, they had a DTR last night and are no longer together.” Or, “They had a DTR and now they’re dating.” From comments like these I came to learn that whatever DTR meant it had something to do with relationships.
After hearing about these DTRs multiple times I finally asked a student, “What does DTR mean?
And, if I may humbly say, I also think that it has been a healthy and wholesome relationship since the day that we met. I paid for both the dates so that there would be no confusion that these were dates. Our times together had been sufficient enough and our conversations significant enough for us to say this to one another. If you see a guy or girl that you think is attractive, introduce yourself. And, believe it or not, we never had a DTR or the equivalent of a DTR. Early October ’92 – Because I liked her I sent her flowers. Our conversations were deeper and we sought out each other’s presence. Late October ’92 – While on fall break from school we had an opportunity to spend time with one another. If you meet someone who you think is interesting, tell them so. This is how things happened: August ’92– We were introduced to one another in a hallway at college. I knew that she would love them and I wanted her to know that I liked her a lot. We spent a day together where she introduced me to some of her friends from outside our college. You – and only you – are responsible for making sure you are the best person you can be. Take every opportunity to appreciate your partner and the positives in your life.Research suggests finding positives in your life every day can measurably improve it.